Study Youll have fewer regrets if you chase your passions

Study Youll have fewer regrets if you chase your passionsStudy Youll have fewer regrets if you chase your passionsOur deepest regrets come from our failure to live up to our ideal selves, says new research from Cornell. People are much more regretful about not fulfilling their dreams and aspirations than they are about failing to fulfill their responsibilities and the long list of things they ought to do.So this year, why not try getting good at the guitar collecting dust in the corner or learning a new language, instead of doing what youre supposed to do, like dragging yourself to the gym more often.When we evaluate our lives, we think about whether were headed towards our ideal selves, becoming the partie wed like to be, says study co-author Tom Giolovich, a psychologist and former Cornell graduate student, in a release. Those are the regrets that are going to stick with you because they are what you look at through the windshield of life.The research identifies three parts that ma ke up a parts self the actual self, the ideal self, and the ought self (thats the part filled with obligations, demands, and things we really should do). Its the failure to live up to ones ideal self that really bothers people not the failure to live up to the ought self.Peoples biggest regrets come from whether they acted or failed to act, according to the study. Typically, major regrets come from things people didnt do (but wish they had), rather than things people did do (but wish they hadnt).The failure to be your ideal self is usually an inaction, said Gilovich. Its I frittered away my time and never got around to teaching myself to code or play a musical instrument. In one experiment, 72% said they had the biggest regrets about not being the person they could have been (over not being the person they should have been). In another study, where participants were asked to write down their regrets, 57% of those regrets were about the failure to live up to their ideal selves.In sh ort, itll bother you less if you fail to stick to your healthy-eating plan this year a thing you ought to do. But youll truly regret it if you dont spend any time working on your novel.

Learn How to Build Sales Rapport

Learn How to Build Sales RapportLearn How to Build Sales RapportIn a sales situation, building rapport often depends on doing some research on a prospectbefore the first meeting. If you know a little bit about your prospects interests, you can prepare some useful questions and comments ahead of time. For example, if you look up a prospect on the Internet and discover that he breeds champion Golden Retrievers, youd be wise to learn a bit about dogs. That doesnt mean trying to become an instant expert. Instead, find out just enough information about Golden Retrievers so that you can ask intelligent questions. The prospect will enjoy telling you all about his hobby and will feel good about being able to instruct you in something that interests him so passionately. Build Trust Many people object to traditional rapport-building methods because they feel fake. You probably dont much care one way or another about Golden Retrievers, but youre willing to spend half an hour listening to a stranger talk about them so that you can make your sale. Theres a grain of truth to this objection, but there are also very good reasons why rapport is necessary before you can sell. No one likes to buy from someone they dont trust. The problem is, not many people have enough time to get to know their salespeople. Unless theyre lucky enough to have a friend or family member who sells the exact product they want, they have to do the best they can within a limited time frame. And thats why building rapport is so important in sales. Even if you, the salesperson, are willing to spend all the time in the world getting to know your prospect, he probably isnt willing to put in the hours it takes to build the level of mutual understanding that leads to real trust. So salespeople must circumvent the process by quickly conveying their trustworthiness to their prospects. Be Interested Prospects buy from people they like. And for the most part, people like other people who are similar to themselves. When you meet someone who has similar tastes, you feel comfortable with that person because you understand exactly why they like what they like - because you like the same things. In the above example, the fact that you are expressing interest in Golden Retrievers means that you clearly have something in common with the prospect - you both like the same thing. Giving the prospect a chance to tell you all about his dogs makes him feel good, and some of that good feeling will transfer to his attitude about you. Thus, when the conversation turns to sales, hell be more open-minded and willing to listen to you. Be Genuine Theres an aspect of manipulation in this kind of rapport-building, which is why salespeople have to be very careful. Encouraging someone to talk about his hobby is one thing, and its perfectly acceptable behavior, whether youre in a sales meeting or at a party with friends. But crossing the line into outright deceit is never appropriate. If youre utte rly opposed to dog shows, dont bring up the subject of dog breeding and pretend that you approve. Not only is it wrong, but the prospect will pick up on your true attitude more often than you think. If you find out that your prospect has a hobby or affiliation that you disagree with, just dont bring it up. No one has just one interest in life, and its almost inevitable that you and the prospect will turn out to have something in common. In the original example, if you keep researching your dog-breeding prospect you might find out that you and he went to the same college, or that he has a record of supporting a charity that you also contribute to.

The Surprising Benefits of Mentoring

The Surprising Benefits of Mentoring The Surprising Benefits of Mentoring Thinking about giving back or paying it forward as a mentor? There are likely benefits of mentoring you havent considered. Heres what Ive learned.If youve ever thought about mentoring, theres no time like the present to start the process. January is National Mentoring Month. For me, this month also marks the 10-year anniversary of my involvement with Big Brothers Big Sisters.Hitting that milestone caused me to reflect on how much Ive gained from the experience - and how easily I could have missed out. While Ive been a mentor for quite awhile now, I welches a would-be mentor for almost as long. It took me years of talking about (and talking myself out of) joining a youth mentorship program before I finally mustered the courage to apply.Overcoming the But Im so busy barrierThe biggest hurdle for me was my schedule. Whenever the idea of volunteering as a mentor crept into my head, Id always go back to this ques tion Where will I find the time? I let busyness become a barrier to giving back.But one day - a particularly hectic day a year after I started freelancing - it finally dawned on me that my Im too busy excuse was just that an excuse. It was a lame, albeit convenient surface-level cover for my deeper worries What if the child and I didnt share anything in common? What if it turned out I was horrible with kids? What if I somehow let the child down? What if he didnt like me?I called myself out and immediately dialed up Big Brothers Big Sisters. Weeks later, I was introduced to a friendly 8-year-old boy. Little Bro and I spent our first meeting at a giant arcade, playing games and eating burgers and chocolate cake.All of my concerns quickly dissolved. We had things in common (an interest in Skee-Ball and oversized desserts, for instance). I liked him. He seemed to like me. Plus, I didnt lose him.During the last decade, Ive attended dozens of Little Bros games in various sports. Weve be en to many movies and had wide-ranging talks over pepperoni pizza. Hes walloped me in every video game imaginable. But most important, our friendship - our brotherhood - has grown stronger and stronger.Big bro mentoring benefitsIt sounds clich, but I cant overstate the benefits of getting involved with mentoring. Taking on the responsibility helped prepare me for parenthood. But its also led to some valuable career-related revelations. For instance, being a Big Brother has taught me key lessons about work-life balance and time management. (You simply dont allow yourself to work late when theres a kid anxiously waiting to be picked up to go to Chuck E. Cheeses.)Little Bro has also made me think more deeply about my work, my priorities and how I spend my time. Early on, many of our discussions involved what he wanted to be when he grew up and what I actually did for a living. I learned quickly that writing and editing was not as exciting as being a point guard or Popsicle salesman. But frequently being asked about what I do and why I do it forced me to ask those saatkorn questions of myself. At times, his queries prompted me to pursue projects that were more meaningful, creative, or that would simply make for a good story.And then theres the pride factor of mentoring. That little kid is now an 18-year-old high school honors student and standout basketball player. Hes taller than me, operating a motor vehicle and headed to college next year to study athletic training. Hes idolized by my 7-year-old son and adored by my 3-year-old daughter.My relationship with Little Bro has continually made me realize how quickly time flies. My advice If youve ever considered volunteering to be a mentor - whether its with an organization that supports local youth or through your employer - do it today. Stop worrying about the what-ifs and jump in. Life isnt going to get any less busy or complicated. Make someday today.Playing even a very small part in someone elses growth and success is rewarding on so many levels. And its educational. You can rest assured that as much wisdom as you impart, your mentee will teach you more.SUBSCRIBE TO THE BLOG